Few people plan to be a single mom. Whether it’s death, divorce or deployment, many women find themselves “suddenly single.” Circumstances rage out of control and questions beg for answers.
Questions like… “how will I get out of bed tomorrow”,”where will we live?” and “can I still homeschool?”
Often we think these questions have obvious answers. Especially when it comes to homeschooling. Everyone assumes that you will immediately stop homeschooling and go back to work. Well-meaning friends and family are certain that this is the only option for your family. But what if it’s not?
Friend, I want you to hear this. Homeschooling is a GREAT option for a single mom! If you are like me, many will tell you that it isn’t so. They will demand that you think of yourself and race those babies to the bus stop immediately. They will proclaim that school is the best option and the only way to stay sane.
After almost 3 years of homeschooling as a single mom, I can confidently say that this simply isn’t true. As we have walked through the fire, homeschooling has been one of my biggest blessings. Homeschooling has held us together.
1. Build family unity
Regardless of how it happened, kids that grow up in a home without their father have deep wounds. Their very identity is questioned and the unknowns set nightmares in their hearts. They need you, mom. They need God’s truths in their hearts and they need to be held. As the child of a single mom, I can tell you that extra time will not be found by sending the kids to school. We went to school 8 hours a day, only to return in the wee hours of the evening. When my mom went back to work, those evening hours were filled with dinner prep, paying bills, and tackling that mountain of laundry. Quality time was scarce.
Yes, homeschooling will take time and energy, but a great homeschool curriculum can be done in less than 3 hours a day, leaving time for the children to help with chores and time for everyone to enjoy being together.
Homeschooling your children will help foster a much needed family unity and begin to rebuild your children’s identities.
Curious what a homeschooling schedule looks like for this single mama? Check out our daily homeschool schedule.
2. Provide stability
Counselors agree that stability is a crucial issue for children experiencing loss (even if daddy just moved down the street.) When children experience these traumatic circumstances, stability becomes a necessity. If you were already homeschooling when you became a single mom, sticking with it will provide much needed security for these precious little ones. If you were not already homeschooling, keeping them at home would be a change, but it can keep them from facing the changing tides of the school environment.
3. Protect them from bullies
Just read the news and you will be mortified by the stories of bus monitor bullies and the likes. Kids are mean and the school setting can not provide the supervision to stop it. Do you know who those bullies are picking on? Single parent kids. The kids with ripped jeans, out of style shirts, and moldy lunch boxes. Believe me, I am speaking out of personal experience here. There wasn’t a single year of my educational career that I wasn’t picked on. Even as early as kindergarten. I grew up absolutely terrified of people and without a single ounce of self worth. I even seriously contemplated suicide multiple times as a teen. Friend, I am not the exception, countless stories have been told of such horrific experiences in school.
Of course, homeschooling will not exempt your kids from this mean behavior (unless you hide under a rock), but it will drastically decrease it. Plus the times that your children are with other children, the adult ratio is much higher, making it easier for parents to intervene when the comments get out of hand.
4. Take breaks when YOU need them
Homeschool will give you the opportunity to step back from learning when your children are going through a hard time (or when you simply can’t get out of bed). When your heart hurts, it can be difficult to think about a math lesson. On tough days, we change plans and stay in bed with read-alouds or ipod apps. Even with taking off as many days as we needed, my kids recorded more than the required 180 days during the last school year. Had they gone to school, it is likely that they would have fallen behind.
5. Save money
Sending my older kids to school would cost me money. Yes, going back to work would provide some income for me, but on a teacher’s salary, it would hardly pay for the huge daycare and after school care bills. Plus even public school costs money when you calculate things like school clothes that won’t get your kids beat up, supplies, lunch money, field trips and even gas (if you have to drive them).
Believe me. I know what you are thinking. Yes, it is harder to homeschool when you are a single mom. No one comes home and changes diapers while you take a bubble bath to get away from it all. But the truth is, everything is harder when you are a single mom. It really doesn’t matter what activity you are doing, you now do it without help. Don’t buy the lie that you are not able to homeschool simply because he left. You can do this momma!
Being a mom is a sacrifice. We must daily chose to act on the behalf of our children, often setting aside our own personal agendas. Being a single homeschooling mom may be the ultimate sacrifice, but aren’t they worth it? Perhaps I could have a little more money if I worked outside the home. Perhaps I could find a job where I would be able to sit and stare and get paid to do so. (But probably not.) Honestly, this isn’t about what I can gain. This life is about serving the one who made the ultimate sacrifice for me. Yes, being a single homeschooling mom is a sacrifice.
But it is a sacrifice that I am willing to make..to train them up to be like HIM, the one who made the ultimate sacrifice. Because I am but a vapor, yet the legacy I leave will last an eternity.
Excellant write up! Thanks for the encouragement! I have been a single mom for 5 1/2 years. We have been homeschooling only since last Nov. I prayed and prayed about this decision and didn’t know how it was going to work…I still don’t know how it worked but last year it did. God is good. We are believing the same for this year. I like the fact that on my days off I can stay in my pjs and we can “do school” or that we can go to six flags one day and have a field trip or whatever. I like not having to work around a school schedule when my work schedule is crazy enough and we can just take off if we want to…and still have school! 🙂 I never thought of myself as a homeschooling mom…but I believe that if we can get some rhythm to our homeschooling then we will both enjoy it so much more…
I agree 100%!!! I did not know about homeschooling 15 years ago when I became a single mom. My only daughter at the time was 10 years old. I wish I had homeschooled her. Those were trying times and it would have been better to have her in better surroundings than in school. I am now remarried and homeschool my youngest two. My first daughter is now an adult. She loves the idea of homeschooling her own children someday and has said that it would have been nice if she had been homeschooled. I did go back to work after the divorce. It would have been much better to have her home with a babysitter ( and us doing school in the evenings and weekends) instead of the time she waisted in public school and dealing with all the problems there. So yes, I also highly recommend single moms to look into homeschooling. :o)
I never would have thought that halfway through our first year of homeschooling my husband would have walked out moving to another state, leaving us jobless and fending for ourselves. But I’ve been determined to keep the status quo and continue homeschooling with as few changes in our lives as possible. So far it works. I work full-time, my daughter stays with one of my friends during the day and we homeschool evenings and weekends. Where there is a will there is a way, especially when you are following God’s way. Thank you for posting encouraging words and I look forward to connecting with more single mom’s who homeschool. My one question for you is how do you do it without working outside the house? That is one area I’m still trying to figure out.
My husband left while my oldest was 5 and youngest was 3 (after being married for 15 years) and during my first official year of homeschooling. Now the kids are 12 and 10 and what a difference the hs has made in our lives. It’s so great to find a group of single moms, who love the Lord and are homeschooling—-I’ve always been alone in this! Blessing and I can’t wait to read more post! Blessings!
Homeschooling is a wonderful choice for single mothers. It takes so much dedication and hard work but the rewards are wonderful.
My children were 2, 1 and a new born when I became “suddenly single”. that was 11 years ago and we’ve been homeschooling 14 years now (since the birth of my oldest). I LOVED reading this article. It’s so wonderful to know we arent the only family out there making it work, with God’s help of course. I work 2 days a week managing an apartment complex. The girls come with me and use that time doing math/reading etc… there are situations out there we can do to make it work. Now and then i clean houses, bringing them with me to help and cut the time in 4. At one time I was taking in ironing, babysitting, selling cars for a car dealer one car at a time parked on my lane (it was a small town), and selling gate/panels for horses. It’s a juggle sometimes, but SO worth it! I wasnt educated at home, and looking back feel that it was a waste of time/life. 12 years of it! My youngest siblings were homeschooled, so my parents have been supportive. Getting together with other home educated families is wonderful, and it’d be nice to belong to a group of single mom’s who have choosen this path.
Thank you for sharing your heart with other homeschooling moms. My husband died 2.5years ago. At the time I had triplets who were 5 years old and a 1 year old baby. My triplets were micro-premies and struggling with immune problems and learning disability when their father died…they continued to struggle through the first part of 1st grade when I took the plunge into homeschooling them. They quickly excelled, and begin to truly heal from their father’s death. I get burnt out, frustrated, tired, and depleted…but I’m amazed how God has sustained me and my family of 5. God bless you and your crew. 🙂 Keep writing. It’s medicine for the soul.
How do you work and homeschool?
Would love to homeschool but don’t see how it’s possible. My kids are 9, 6, and 4. I adopted them singly, so there is no father to provide child support. I’m the sole source of income. If I work I have to pay for childcare during the day, times three kids — that would eat up a huge chunk of income (summers are HARD!!!) If I don’t work, there is no money to pay for food, clothes, housing, utilities, etc. Have struggled with this for years. My kids were in foster care and struggle with so many issues and I know would do SO MUCH BETTER homeschooled, but I can’t see how people do it!!
totally agree. I have been a Single parent for 15yrs now. And yes, the road is difficult, but there are so many rewards to it. It is not easy, but God has placed so many others to share my burden and to assist us where I need it most. I have 18yr old, who just entered college, and a 16yr old. Although at times, you may come close to giving up, but that’s when the test of faith is upon us. I see the Love of Christ manifest in so many way, through so many other families being there for us. Scripture says:” He shall not see His seed begging bread” I am glad to stick with the decision and continue to home-school my girls. It may not be the best situation at all times, but I can truly say I have no regrets. Yes, Mom, You Can Do It. Praise the Lord