Finding Sustenance

I used to think the easiest thing in the world was to eat. To find what I needed and just whip it into something pleasing for my children and myself for a meal. I took too much liberty with that.

Then I had a stroke that took my ability to eat away from me. I can no longer chew, swallow, or digest the food if it got to my stomach. I lost the ability to sustain myself through food.

Turkey Feeding Tube Bag 🙂

The less I ate, the less I desired food. The less I wanted to deal with food, such as cooking meals for my family. Daddy got more and more dinner duty. I just didn’t want anything to do with the kitchen. Eventually I lost the ability to even be hungry. My family was hurt by this lack of desire to be around anything food oriented. I would rather sit in the livingroom then be with them in the diningroom because to me it was just highlighting what I could not do, eat.

I have been so focused on my physical sustenance that I was getting off balance. The Lord graciously gave me a pointed lesson on true sustenance.

John 6:27 (Jesus said,) “Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”

I lost my bible. The Bible I bought the week I was saved. It was my study bible. It was my note taking bible. My bible that I have read to all my children. Used everyday in homeschooling for years.  My bible that had Genesis falling out because it had been so loved and used.

I felt that horrible loss deep in my heart. I suddenly felt like I was without nourishment again as if I had once again lost the ability to eat. Without a place to turn to, to get that eternal nourishment that I needed I struggled.

I know I could run out to the local store and get a bible. In fact I could turn to my own book shelves to get another bible. We have plenty. I was so focused on that one beloved bible that I didn’t want another way to study. I wanted my bible back!

It felt as if something special was gone. My daily devotions ground to a halt. I couldn’t find my bible and like a child I had a tantrum. One morning pouting, I realized the direct connection between my physical nourishment and my spiritual nourishment. I had to laugh at my toddlerish behavior. What did it matter how I got my nourishment?

My eternal soul needed nourishment.

I found alternative ways to feed my body.  I ‘eat’ through a  feeding tube or a special port into my vein called TPN. So  found alternative ways to feed my soul. I grabbed the homeschooling bible that had nice large print. Pulled out my pencil and highlighter and went to work!

I am getting nourished physically and spiritually once again. My time with the Lord has changed to another bible and gotten stronger. To bring my world full circle the Lord showed me a way to serve and enjoy dinner time again. I read a story, or scriptures from the bible and we talk about. Since my fingers are not all food sticky I can read, look up, and cross reference right there as we chat.

Our paths are rarely the beautiful sun filled straight lines to our wildest dreams. Enjoy the side roads. Learn to lean on the Lord through the storms. Praise him through it all. Seek eternal rewards in your everyday!


  1. I’ve never met a person who couldn’t eat and be able to talk about it. Where does the tube go if you can’t digest it in your stomach?

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