Do you remember that show “Doogie Howser, prostate MD” from the 80’s? Doogie earned a perfect score on the SAT at the age of six, ask completed high school in nine weeks at the age of nine, graduated from Princeton at age 10, and finished medical school four years later, and became the youngest licensed doctor in the United States. Pretty impressive, eh?
There really are children who are that smart (but not practicing medicine in the U.S.) You may be blessed to be teaching one (or more) of those kids in your homeschool. Most likely however, you’re teaching children of normal intelligence who are thriving in an environment that allows them to blossom at their own pace.
But… what if…your child isn’t the next Doogie Howser? What if physically, mentally and developmentally your child is “normal” but yet you know they aren’t the brightest pupil? My absolute first word or encouragement is DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY!
It’s really hard not to get caught up in the “my child’s smarter than your child” trap. You hear someone say their child is doing single digit multiplication at age 5 and you suddenly have the urge to start drilling your 2 year old on math facts. Why? In part, it’s because we don’t want our child to be thought of as “less than”. Sadly, another part of the answer is that we often base our worth on our children’s academic/sports/arts achievements. This is not about you, ok?
Secondly, it’s not about “fixing” your child. Believe it or not, not everyone is destined for college, or medical school or even a high school diploma. I love Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he’s old he’ll not depart from it. Even if you don’t follow Biblical teaching, there is still a good lesson here. Train a child in the way he or she should go. That may mean training your child to be the best janitor ever, with no disrespect meant to janitors. My point being, every child has a natural gifting towards something, and it’s that something that they should be trained towards. Don’t try to force a child to be the next Doogie Howser, when in reality he or she may never read a complete novel.
Recently I had the opportunity to chat with a homeschooling mom from my church. Like me, she devours books in a single sitting, cringes at grammatical errors in the things she reads and thrives on new found knowledge. Yet her oldest son isn‘t reading on grade level. She’s frustrated, concerned and questioning herself. As we talked, I learned that her barely reading 8 year old knows how to operate every piece of equipment in the workshop on their farm. He already knows more about raising rabbits, chickens, pigs and cows than I ever hope to know about any of them.
Why is it, that a child who can’t read on grade level can help run a large scale working farm? Because that is where his heart and interest lie. It also happens to be in his blood line. His grandfather (a highly intelligent author, speaker and farmer) is known world wide for his green farming techniques. His father, a self proclaimed homeschool drop out (yes, really) was considered an expert in his field by age 21. Different educational backgrounds, same results, and fulfilled lives.
Thirdly, be proud of your child regardless of their successes or failures. A child can overcome many obstacles in life, but thinking they have been a disappointment to mom and dad is a hard pill to swallow. Teach them to do what’s right, do it right and do it because it’s right, no matter what GPA they achieve, or what vocation they find themselves in.
This is not a competition. This is life. Live it. Enjoy it, and allow your children to do the same!
You are so right! Children learn differently and have their own weaknesses and strengths! This is something I learned not long after we started homeschooling. My oldest son and daughter have both tested gifted. However, they are so different, to where my son thrives in math, my oldest daughter struggles with it. Once I relaxed, so did my kids and we all thrived with the learning!
So glad you each found your groove!
Thanks for this! I have a gifted kiddo and have recently much appreciated the gifted literature – all her sleep issues, potty training issues, disciplinary issues, all of a sudden make sense. Parenting books and strategies never worked before! However, the whole competition thing bugs me. In the gifted community, it feels like you have to justify your place there (how many grade skips, etc. etc.). And outside the gifted community, people don’t want to hear about your child’s challenges and accomplishments because of the competitive factor. You’re right on: This is not a race! It is about helping your children be all they can be, all God created them to be – to enjoy life to the full.
I’m so glad the article was an encouragement to you!