It’s the end of March. I’m packing for a conference. This daughter of mine who shoots it straight and makes me laugh out loud, she asks, “Why are you packing?” To which I reply, “I’m going to a conference for homeschooling moms where maybe I’ll learn some new things and help us to do schooling at home better.”
She stands there and I lift my eyes to watch her. I can tell she is thinking, processing what I have said. Then out of the blue she shoots words across the room straight at me, “Well that’s good ‘cause this house is miserable.” [insert knife into heart here]
Yeah. That right there pierced so deep. I suck in a breath and try to process what she has said – but I can’t begin to wrap my mind around her words. Her truth. Our truth.
Our home is miserable? We’ve lost the joy? And I can’t help but think it is all my fault. I’ve lost my footing and focus.
So I drive to a conference put together by Apologia and I listen to women who have lived in the trenches and survived… thrived. I listened to moms who have graduated students. I listened to moms who struggled and were real. I listened and I prayed. I asked for His guidance to show me truth. (be brave enough to ask God to show you the truth about your home – He will rock your world)
You see I had been doing this homeschooling thing with half my heart. I wasn’t all in. I was waiting for the day when there would be “better options.” I was waiting for the someday. I was not fully invested in the here and now. Ultimately I wasn’t invested in them… in us. I was too focused on other things. I was lazy and distracted. I was disobedient.
I wept on the floor of that conference room and prayed: confessing, listening and seeking to be obedient. And as hands were laid on me in prayer – I heard a call to be the best option. To be the change my kids need. It starts with me.
So I brought the Joy of the Lord home with me.
We sat down together as a family and prayed. We thanked God for each other. We thanked God for placing each child directly where He has placed them and we thanked God for giving us a solid marriage and home. Then we got up off the floor and literally rearranged the furniture. We are all in. We removed distractions – the computer to an area outside our normal schooling/living space which freed up room for children to learn and create. We removed the excess. We organized our daily life. And we intentionally began to pursue laughter and God’s Word in our home. It is no longer God’s Word as a curriculum choice – it is God’s Word alive and active in our lives. It is no longer about my own personal quiet time, prayer time… it is about us.
“I was requiring them (my children) to live at a standard that I wasn’t living myself…God has a better plan. It starts by discipling you so you can discipline your children.” (Rachael Carman, Apologia Live, March 2012)
So my challenge to you this month is threefold:
1. Clear the clutter and distractions
2. Pursue God’s Word daily with your whole family not just a part of your curriculum choices
3. Be intentional about laughter in your home.
There is no reason for your home to be miserable…
Wow Jessica! That’s me in those words. Even though I know what my only option is, I’m half-stepping in the call and I’m not fooling anyone; especially my children.
Thank you for this challenge! Much love!
Kela our kids are the first to know. Ugh. They can see and feel it way before we finally get a clue. Praying over you today, my friend. He loves you.
Love u! It’s also because you had an awesome roommate that weekend too! ;-D
He’s Got This! Amen!
Kelly
Kelly – it is hard to believe that was in March. What an amazing time of refreshment and quiet. I am glad that you were willing to room with a messed up crazy lady (that would be me) and that you brought the fun with you.
challenging! thanks for this post!
You are always welcome 🙂
An excellent post, my friend. I felt challenged and convicted as well — to change my heart and to really seek their hearts even more intentionally. The world will tell us it will be fixed with more of this and that and stuff, and yet, you nailed it – it begins with Jesus.
You are a blessing.
Rachel
Rachel – it was wonderful to meet you at 2:1. I am grateful that God gave me this specific retreat time in March (at Apologia’s refreshment gathering) to prepare my world and heart for our gathering in April – otherwise I might not have come out of the bathroom at all. He gives me reasons to laugh and reasons to sing. Your words to us just affirmed everything He has been speaking into my life and our home this spring. I am grateful for you. Keep making us laugh!
J.
Wow, this really hits home. Struggling with depression is one of my “distractions”, so I know when the tone of our home is not great it’s probably because of me. I will reread this and chew on your challenges, figuring out how I can implement them.
Christine – those valleys and deserts are rough! It is hard to focus, hard to feel joy, let alone be joyful. I will be praying for you as you seek God in how to walk out this challenge. He is with you.
Loved your post! Yes, I am in with you on the challenge. Not long ago, my daughter told the two boys I keep twice a week that I am not as mean now as what I used to be. While I can laugh about it, she is absolutely right. God has been working in my heart the last couple of years. While I am a lot better mom now than what I was, I still have a lot more work to do! Blessings!!
Joy – if you do life the way you’ve always done and there is no changing… well we call that stagnancy. Things don’t grow in that kind of life. But the fact that your child can say, “Yes she is different.” Don’t you regret it! You just praise Jesus that He is working, He is speaking, He is healing. Be obedient. He loves you. We all need work! 😉
love you, Joy. So glad I got to meet you and hug you. You bless my heart.
Well… Hmmm… Okay… Are you living here, Jess? That YOU for driving that knife in. I accept the challenge, and will be reporting back to you — will you hold me accountable? We have distractions… cluttered rooms, cluttered minds… cluttered lives. We are constantly {in this time and space} battling spiritual warfare and need to focus on heart and joy in all we do.
I heard it with you; I wept in the same room as you; I came away planning to choose joy; but I needed to LISTEN through you and this post. Thank you for the piercing… You ARE a blessing. {Amen, Rachel!}
The funny thing about this post is that God chose to shake my heart way before the floor at 2:1. I was telling Stef after returning from the retreat I mention above (which was an Apologia refreshment gathering in March) that I was half-butting this homeschooling thing. I was NOT all in. I was so distracted by other things. It was Rachael Carmen who prayed over us at that retreat. She literally laid her hands on every single woman in that room during our prayer time together – and something shifted. I could feel what was hardened melt. I could hear God speaking into my disobedience. It was rough.
I imagine if I hadn’t gone to that retreat in March – I would have been more of a wreck at 2:1. I might not have come out of the bathroom or hotel room for that matter.
God loves you Colleen. You are a great mom. You are fun. Don’t let the clutter and your immediate circumstances keep you from being all of those things with your family. You are loved. I’m not going anywhere 🙂 We’ll keep reminding each other.
I love you, Jessica! Thanks for being real. I came back from 2:1 with a new outlook on homeschooling, my kids and our home. We are decluttering and refocusing, too. We are in this together!