Recently, I was walking through my house feeling pretty disgusted. The dishes were dirty and all over the kitchen counter, the laundry pile was big enough to eat me, there wasn’t a place to sit on the couches for all the clutter and toys, and the kids were full of demands on me and my time. And in one of my more ungraceful moments I just yelled out “I QUIT!” “I refuse to answer one more silly question. Nor will I change another diaper. I do not want to referee another argument, and I WILL NOT rescue anyone else from certain doom.” “I. AM. NO. LONGER. ANSWERING. TO. MOM!”
And in true drama queen fashion, I stomped off to my room and slammed the door. Any one else ever been here? I was just spent. I had no more left to give.
It wasn’t long before the Holy Spirit began to convict me. Again, I had acted the pouting child, and again, I hung my head in shame. It was in my weakness I asked God, “Why do I always fail? Why can’t I be that Mom that does it all? The one blogs and books are written about? With a smile on her face, and a song on her lips?”
As Moms, we often think that all we need is the right program, and the perfect family will arise. We spend fortunes on books that teach us the perfect plan for discipline, hundreds on planners so we can perfectly fit everything into our day, and thousands on organizing systems so all our stuff can be perfectly in place. So why, Momma, are we still so weary and troubled? Why am I still failing?
I have a hard lesson for us. Not many will admit it, much less say it. Mom, it is all your fault. AACK! I know. You were looking for support and comfort. Bear with me. I discovered that night, it wasn’t my family’s fault. Children make messes. Dishes get dirty because we have food and need to eat. Husbands work hard and need rest when they come home. There isn’t a book or program out there that can fix that. Laundry will always be there, clutter will never leave. You cannot point the finger any where else. Trust me. As a mother of eight and a pastor’s wife, I have plenty of practice pointing fingers and trying to blame others.
But as I sat in my room that night, the Lord spoke to my heart.
“Yes Child, there are days you will fail.”
“Yes, at time, you will be ugly.”
“But it’s not about you, or what you can do. It is about Me. I AM. I AM making you who I want you to be. I AM making your heart soft. I AM working in your children. I AM leading your husband.”
It is only through fire we shall be made pure. Dear Mother, read through Job chapter 23. It speaks to my weary heart with every word. This is where we should turn our hearts, not to self-help books. God’s Word is where we should lead other Mom’s to read. Not to an author’s words, or a book’s story, but to the Creator’s wisdom. “God knows the way I take, when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold” (v 10).
It is in our failures God’s glory shines. Am I a good enough Mom for my children? Nope. But God is. God takes my failures and works them for good. This is where our hope is, Sisters! Be still in the Lord, and know He is working!
Beth is a pastor’s wife, mom to five boys and three girls. She loves to sew, crochet, read, and bake in her spare time. You can see what her family is doing at Sew Anyhow and follow her on Twitter at @BethSewAnyhow.
Beth, is this a season of ‘failure’ for Moms…is this season of winter when God seeks our hearts the most…I had that same moment recently…going to my room and realizing the problems began with me…my heart…and God was so faithful….he sent a Mom to call me right then and there!!!! That mom loved me well..held me accountable…and only could have been inspired by the Holy Spirit to call me at that moment….Thank you for this!!!
I love seeing God in action! He IS good, even when we aren’t. Thank you for sharing!
oh, yes, I’ve been there!! and I always feel like I’ve failed when I get to that point. But God is so faithful to love us even in our down moments. Thanks for sharing your heart today!
Counting to 10 just hasn’t been working lately. It was time to stop ignoring my heart.
Thank you so much for this. I’ve been feeling like this a lot lately.
It is good to know I’m not the only one! Sometimes, I think I am all alone in my failures, but that kind of thought will just keep me defeated. God, afterall, has set us free, so we shouldn’t let the shackles remain!
Well, well, well. God, I hear you now. Beth, I have 13 black garbage bags in my garage filled with all my children’s possessions. While they camped with my husband this weekend, I cleaned their room for them…with a shovel. Anything out of place went in a bag with the threat of going to the curb. I boiled over with disgust at the disrespect and gluttony and disobedience. Well, well, well. Guess who has taught them this? Guess who bought all the excess clothes and toys that they have no room to store? Guess who else has a mess in her room? Guess who wasted a weekend with no kids? That would be me. Yes, they had a mess but instead of teaching them good habits, I have given them a clean room. Now, I believe I am going to need to get back to my job of being a Godly mother to my children and not one who throws tantrums and throws away their possessions.
I have been there!!! And bought the tee shirt. My prayer is that everyday, instead on saying no or pushing the children away, I draw them closer and teach by example. Side by side. Thank you for sharing Renee, and know that I have prayed for you and your family.
Yes, I have said those same words. I have also felt the same conviction. While I still don’t have a spotless house, it is better than what it has been. I also know it will even continue to improve. They learn from us and will only change if I change my bad habits. Thank you for sharing your honesty. It helps to know that I am not alone. So thankful to have God’s love and support in this thing called motherhood. 🙂
This cuts right to the heart of all of those motherhood struggles. Thank you for being honest and for reminding me of that verse in Job. I definitely feel like I’m in the fire and am trusting that He is refining me in the process!
I love this community of Moms. It is great to have a place you can be honest, lay your heart out a little, and be comforted and encouraged!
I can relate so well to the first paragraph. What? That’s not acceptable behavior?? Chuckle. This is definitely an area I need to work on. It’s embarrassing when hubby asks, “Who just slammed their door?” and the girls reply, “MOM!” Eek.
Beautiful and true post. Thank you!
Great post.
Me and Joy (of My Home in the Smokies and HSV) were doing Bible study last night and going over Eph 4:3 “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” (NLT) I told Joy sometimes I don’t feel like making EVERY effort! Sometimes I want to be lazy and let someone else make the effort!
But, you know what encouraged me, Eph 4:1 says “I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,”
Walk worthy….those are my words to cling to this week, walk worthy of my calling, which is to be a homeschooling mother.
Thanks for sharing!