As a homeschooling mama, health I wish I had $1 for everytime I’ve heard someone say:
“But what about socialization?”
It’s the age old anti-homeschooling response. When I was new homeschooler, I felt the need to prove to these critics that my children would be very well socialized. So what did I do?
I signed them up for every extracurricular activity under the sun.
Here’s what our week looked like:
- Monday evenings—American Heritage Girls (which is an awesome Christian organization and alternative to Girl Scouts. If you haven’t checked them out, I highly recommend it!)
- Tuesday evenings—Soccer practice
- Wednesday evenings—Dance
- Thursday evenings- Gymnastics
- Friday evenings—Church small group youth activities
- Saturday—soccer games
- Sunday—Church and Sunday school activities.
- There were also homeschool group activities sprinkled in there.
All of this was in addition to schooling and my crazy work schedule.
Fast forward a couple of months and I was a frustrated, stressed out mess on the verge of burnout. Not only was I feeling the effects, but so were my children. They were quickly becoming tired of this demanding schedule.
And for what?
So that we could look at the people who oppose our decision to homeschool and say, “Look here, see everything we are involved in? Our children are socialized.”
I quickly became aware that this was not the homeschooling life I had envisioned. We were rarely ever home! Relationships were not being nurtured by spending every waking moment in the car on the way to yet another event. Meaningful learning experiences were being cut short by having to rush out the door to make it to practice on time.
Finally, my husband looked at me and said enough was enough. We had a family meeting and discussed which activities our children were actually interested in. We kept those, and got rid of the rest.
We found the importance of having days where nothing was scheduled.
We learned how to decline invitations.
Stress levels were decreased and relationships were strengthened. We found joy in spending time with each other. I got to know my children. The benefits were priceless.
I’m not saying socialization is unimportant and I’m most definitely not saying that you shouldn’t socialize your children.
What I’m saying is that by trying to make sure your child is socialized, they can quickly become over-socialized, and it can become detrimental for your family.
Do what feels comfortable. You know what your family needs, don’t let the opinions of others run your life.
Have you experienced the problem of too much socialization?
I’ve often thought that the usual answer to the socialization–and the co-op/extracurricular approach to homeschooling that goes with it–concedes way too much. As if being in the mere presence of other people their own age or adults who aren’t relatives has anything to do with socialization! All it really is, is so much busyness, added to an already full life, just to prove that we’re just like the mainstream families. If a child has an interest that requires outside lessons, we should certainly pursue that (if we can afford it), but it’s silly to think that these things are necessary to training our children to be well-adjusted adults.
I agree that people focus too much on their socialization. I have relatives who are convinced that it is impossible to homeschool and have our kids be properly socialized.
I know this is the most common comment, but said in the context of school, I think it’s also the most ridiculous. Children trapped in constant contact with their own peer group and minimal supervision all day isn’t socialization–it’s almost a forced regression of maturity.
We were at the soccer field last week and my almost-6 yr old son was playing a little pick up game with his brother on the sidelines of their sister’s practice. Eventually our boys had coaxed a 2 yo, a 3 yo, and another 6 yo into playing with them. And when I watched my boys be careful of those smaller kids, then come over and ask each of the other parents if it was ok to share their drinks and snacks with the other kids, I thought–THAT’S socialization! We don’t homeschool, but I know they’ve gotten that from our church and in-home day care situation. Not from their school environment.
I’m so thankful for all of the wisdom the “been there, done that” homeschooling Moms share. My kids are still young (we’re just starting SK with my oldest this year) and he’s been too young (and we’ve been too broke) to take part in extra curricular activities besides Sunday School and play groups.
I’m definitely a home-body and my family is too. While my friends all seem to have SOMETHING every day of the week (and they don’t homeschool) I tend to feel overwhelmed if we have a busy week with more than 2 things going on.
It’s nice to know that others have learned before me, and can testify to the fact that we don’t have to overload our schedules to socialize our kids..we won’t ruin them if we aren’t doing it all!
AHG ROCKS! We are thoroughly enjoying starting a Troop for our daughters. As a scouting family… we don’t do sports… the kids prefer not to. One other caution… MASTER “NO”. Don’t become the family that jumps in to solve every scheduling conflict ‘because you homeschool therefore you have more time’s… you do NOT have more time and your time is just as valuable as their time…. your PRIORITIES are different.
I think its important to remember that balance is key to just about everything! Including extracurricular activities! So often we are hearing about public school students who are over-scheduled and under so much stress at such a young age, we shouldn’t be over-scheduling our home schooled kids either. Wonderful post 🙂
It’s funny because even before we homeschooled we restricted how much time our family was apart. We saw so many families with really young kids going in so many directions they never really connected. Almost all of our activities are whole family inclusive. We are part of a learning center which has been a huge blessing, but not because of the socialization. My girls also participate in a free-for-homeschoolers dance class, but that is it aside from church. Fridays are our “social” days if we do anything.
I have a lot of friends who get irritated that I don’t schedule playdates during the week because isn’t homeschool all about the freedom to do that? I have a hard time explaining it, but it’s something we consistently stick by!
This could’ve been me writing this article. It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth and it is reassuring to hear someone else is thinking along the same lines. We got so busy that what was really important to us was falling by the wayside. I no longer had time to visit with people that are important to us or to be there to minister to someone in need because we were always on the go. something had to give and we made the decision to cut just about everything out of our schedule to refocus our priorities. After Christmas we are going to reevaluate and add a few things into the schedule if that is how we are led, but until then we are so much less stressed! Like you say; “We found the importance of having days where nothing was scheduled” AMEN;) Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!
This isn’t over socialization this is over-scheduling. Or wanting to do it all. Or not being able to set good boundaries and make good choices. I’m homeschooling my 7th grader for the first time. He has choices to make when it comes to signing up for clubs, plays, field trips, etc. We cannot do it all – he and his brother learned that years ago. As a family we enjoy our downtime. We enjoy time with each other. So much more is learned socially, when we are sitting around the table playing a game, or on long car rides, or visiting people. You don’t need sports for all that. Parents, whether you home school or not, think twice about all the extra curricular activities. Pick and choose. Teach your children how to make good choices. They will go a lot further with those skills in life than those little trophies piling up on the bureau.
This is absolutely a problem in today’s homeschooling world! Instead of standing for the reason they don’t NEED socialization outside of the family, we hear parents who “feel bad” that Johnny and Jane don’t have their friends around…further excusing it because THEY have the need for friends and outside contacts, so why would their kids be any different? We have come up with co-ops and groups and as the article shows, end up running around and going crazy not only dragging the kids everywhere but schoolbooks and supplies to boot. When we first home schooled, we were proud that our children would be socialized at home! We need to find the reasons the homeschooling movement began years ago as an alternative to being “out there” and be not afraid to be HOME with your children! It IS enough!
We don’t have that much going on, but even so, sometimes it seems like too much!
I loathe the days when I think I get to stay all day at home and then something comes up that I can’t get out of–like having to go out and buy toilet paper in an emergency.
My family has been homeschooling for over ten years. We’ve found that what works for us is to try to get the academics done early in the day, freeing up afternoons and evenings for extracurriculars and just hanging out with friends. One day a week we attend an all-day co-op, which is a nice mix of learning and social time for me as well as the kids. As the kids grow older, their extras do require more time, and it is a yearly struggle to plan a week that keeps the kids as active as they like, while not driving Mom and Dad crazy with too much driving. Generally, that means 2-3 structured activities per kid, a playdate or two, and not a whole lot of down time during the school year. We do school year round, but summers are always quieter.