I’m inspired by moms around me that are walking out motherhood the best way they know how with God as their guide.
I have a friend that was recently talking to me about how her thirteen year old daughter was acting out and showing more and more immaturity.
We had real struggles! Rebellion, smart-mouth, unhealthy thought life, music choices. All of this even came from a daughter that was the most pleasant and compliant as a young girl.
We call our daughters 14th year their “stupid year”. No, I didn’t call my child stupid, just the poor choices and actions. I think that moms that have gone through this would be nodding their heads because they know what I’m talking about.
I’d usually use phrases like (non-sarcastically), “Do you think that was very smart?” “Did you think that one all the way through?” or “What does God’s Word have to say about that?”
By God’s grace, LOTS of prayer, firmness, and allowing the girls to talk with other women that they/we trust, we made it through.
I wondered lots of days what I was doing wrong. What did I do to “deserve” this from my girls?!
God’s gentle reminder rested on me that everyone has free will and can choose to act in harmony or rebellion to His Word.
We could make our children do something, but if there is not a heart change; a real want to change, we’re disciplining for naught.
The last thing that I wanted for my daughters was a conditioned response, or behavior modification.
I wanted them to see from God’s truth that there are indeed consequences for wrong choice and blessing for right choices.
Even knowing what a consequence would be, my daughter would still choose rebellion. There is a choice, as a parent, to make:
- Do I stand firm in what I said a consequence would be?
- Will I let it slide because I’m tired of dealing with this?
As wearisome as it can sometimes be (and I’ve had many-a-weary days), we must choose to be firm. There may be a place for grace even in the firmness, but there should be no mistaking that she has to take responsibility for the wrong.
During this difficult time, it’s a good thing to make other options to “do good” available.
I’d gotten into the habit of looking for the next bad thing to happen. This was so wrong of me.
I’d heard when the girls were little to “catch your child being/doing good.” Yeah, that worked when they were little and doing minor things. When they start doing things that I really wanted to wring their necks over, it was a lot more difficult to see or watch out for the good.
Looking back over that tumultuous year, I can see God’s hand literally shaping my daughters hearts.
Because we guided her there, she started to hunger for God herself.
Because we wouldn’t back down or let her push us around, she appreciates the boundaries.
Are you going through a time like this with the young lady that is growing up in your home? Have you found solutions in how to handle things? How can I pray for you?
I have a son that almost died at birth. When he talks about doing something not very bright, I tell him, “God did not snatch you from the jaws of death at birth to let you die doing something stupid!” Great post, Kela. Thanks for sharing.
I love this! Even though I don’t have teens yet….this can easily be applied to my strong willed little ones 🙂 Blessings!
I SOOOO needed this today. I have a newly 14year old daughter and this post resinates with me so much. It’s her all over. Otherwise bright, sweet, caring, loving…..etc, but lately she’s just plain mean spirited and rude. My husband and I have prayed together Lord where are we going wrong. It’s good to hear the gentle reminder of free will and choices. THank you! Thank YOu!
Blessings,
Tiffany